Sometimes it’s fun (and necessary) to do things TOGETHER (see Day 13), and sometimes it’s fun (and necessary) to do things ALONE.
Probably my biggest fear with being married was that I would lose my “identity” to the marriage, meaning I would have to give up those things that I enjoy doing alone, or with my friends, all for the sake of the marriage.
I’ve seen many couples become so enmeshed in their MARRIAGE that they have lost their individual identity of who THEY are.
They don’t know what THEY like anymore, or what THEY would want to do, or where THEY would go on vacation, or what THEY would buy for THEM self. They have become a self-sacrificer/pleaser to the MARRIAGE, and that is not healthy.
Marriages are strongest when you keep yourself, your spouse and your marriage as 3 separate ‘beings.’
1 – Make time for you (MY time).
2 – Allow your spouse to make time for him/her (YOUR time).
3 – Make time for the marriage (OUR time).
All 3 “beings” need their own, separate, individual time.
Last night my hubby spent HIS time riding his dirt bike with his friend. I spent MY time getting my nails done. And then afterwards we came together and spent OUR time in the MARRIAGE.
It was AWESOME because we had each been filled up with our PERSONAL identity time, and then we brought that energy to our MARRIAGE time.
If you have children, it becomes a little more challenging to segregate the 3 different times, but it is MUCH more important because you are teaching them by example how to keep their own personal identity and how to create a strong marriage in the future.
So what are some things YOU want to do? Do them.
What are some things your SPOUSE wants to do? Allow him/her to do them.
What are some things your BOTH want to do together? Do them.
Don’t allow the marriage to suffocate who YOU are.